1:
Two women are on a girls’ night out, both of them married, loyal and exemplary wives.
This night they have had one too many Bacardi Breezers and are unsteadily walking home.
On the way they suddenly realize that they really have to pee, and lacking any proper facilities, they decide to sneak into a graveyard.
The first woman realizes that she has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and then throws it away.
Her friend, however, is wearing expensive lingerie and doesn’t want to resort to such methods. Instead, next to a grave she finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
Having finished, they both walk home, tipsy but happy.
The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious:
“You’ll never believe this! My wife came home last night not wearing any panties!”
“That’s nothing,” says the other man, “My wife came home with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said,”…
“From all of us at the Fire Station, we’ll never forget you.”
2:
Three brothers each marry a woman.
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:
“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”
He didn’t see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.
The second brother married a woman from Dallas, and said to her:
“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean, the laundry done, and have food ready on the table.”
On the first day he didn’t see any changes, and not on the second day either, but on the third day it was as he had asked.
The third brother married a woman from Detroit, and said to her:
“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean, the laundry done, and have food ready on the table.”
On the first day he didn’t see anything, and not on the second or third day either.
On the fourth day he could see a little bit with his left eye, and had just enough mobility in his right hand to make himself a sandwich.
3:
The Wife Sent A Message To Her Husband
The wife sent a message to her husband Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Priscilla says hi to you “.
Husband : Who is Priscilla?
Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure that you read my message
Twist in the tale…..
Husband : But I’m with Priscilla right now, so which Priscilla are you talking about?
Wife : Where are you….?
Husband: Near the vegetable market
Wife : Wait I’m coming there right now …!
After 10 minutes she texts her husband
“Where are you”?
Husband: “I’m at the office. Now that you’re at the market, buy whatever vegetables you need
4:
A Husband And Wife Are In Church
A Husband and Wife are in church listening to a very long and drawn out sermon
After quite a bit of time, the wife gets tired and dozes off.
The husband notices this and goes to poke her with his finger to wake her up.
At the same time, the priest asks a question to the audience.
“Who freed the slaves from Egypt?”
“GOD” Exclaimed the wife to the husband, very irritated at being woken up.
Some time later and the wife once again dozes off
This time the husband goes to wake her up right as the priest asks:
“Who gave their life for our sins?”
“JESUS CHRIST” Snapped the wife, once again irked at being awoken by a jab from the husband.
The sermon continues and, as is no surprise, the wife dozes off once more.
Again the husband notices and pokes her to wake her up as the priest asks:
“What did Eve say to Adam after they had their last child?”
“I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO TAKE IT AND SNAP IT IN HALF
5:
$800 he owes me
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 dollars to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she get to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbor” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says. “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”